Chuck Norris facts

Post your favorite Chuck Norris facts here. I'll start.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you CAN'T see Chuck Norris, you may be seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "who has more testicles" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up. He pushes the Earth down.

They wanted to put Chuck Norris' face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.

In his beard there is no chin, only a extra fist

Chuck Norris like ninjas... with ketchup

He can't have a weapon in his hand, because he would just mash it

If you need a place to hide from a tank, go behind Chuck Norris so he can eat the tank bullets

Jesus Christ can walk on water-But Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Edison invented the lightbulb-Chuck invented death.

When God said, "Let there be light," Chuck Norris said, "Say please."

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a dollar bill and it burst into twenty nickles.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

At tax season, Chuck Norris doesn't send in his tax forms, but a picture of him crouched to attack. Chuck Norris has never paid taxes. EVER.

omg bob that 3rd one is a riot!
lol win!

They tried to make a chuck norris bathroom tissue..but chuck norris dosnt take shit from anyone!

Chuck norris invented black..in fact he invented all the colores in the color spectrum..except pink..tom cruise invented pink.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down

Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

The Guinness Book of World Records was originally titled "Chuck Norris facts".

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.

LOL, liked 5 and 6
Good work Vampy!

There are no steroids in baseball... only people Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds". He was not referring to the atomic bomb, he was referring to the Chuck Norris Halloween costume he was wearing.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Touching Chuck Norris' beard will increase you life expectancy by 6 years. Unfortunately, the following roundhouse kick will reduce your life expectancy by 300. You do the math.

Chuck Norris made a deal with the Devil. The deal: Chuck Norris will only kick the Devil's ass once per day, in exchange for Satan's soul.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

The only thing Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris can agree on is that Tom Cruise is a faggot.

Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.